Luke

[brightest_lights]

It's been a little while since she's come by to hang out at Luke's book store. She had finals, and then Christmas and all the craziness that comes with the holidays. After that were rampaging animals, and then...

Everything that happened with Neal. She still doesn't really know where that sits - she's got her ideas on it, but since she'd spent the time to take down her tree and un-cheerify her apartment, she realised that she's still got Luke's Christmas present-- and maybe she just wants to spend time with her friends.

Pushing open the door, the present's in her oversized bag as she scopes out if there are customers - there's one lady who looks like she's been reading for the last few years, but she also doesn't look like she's moving anytime soon, so she finds Luke with a smile. "Hey!" She's got two hot cups of coffee, and holds one out to him. "Figured I'd come hang out before classes start up again."

Comments

[notaretriever]

Reid had been with him until about an hour ago and that's Luke's favourite thing about his boyfriend's schedule, how it mostly seems to work for them instead of against them, with a few exceptions, but he's alone now. There's a customer, but he's already helped her and he doesn't think she's going to need him again any time soon, so when he sees Caroline, he gives her a smile and a little wave.

"Hi," he says, then takes the steaming cup of coffee with a grateful sound."This is a nice surprise. You certainly know how to make my morning just a little bit better." He's already had a cup of coffee upstairs with Reid, but Luke drinks more coffee than just about anything. It's not exactly the healthiest way to live and so he does his best to drink equally as much water, but it never quite happens. Besides, he loves coffee, even the terrible kind found in hospital cafeterias.

[brightest_lights]

"You know me, queen of nice surprises." Not really, but she's more than willing to let Luke think that it's the case, and heck, if she keeps telling herself that, maybe it'll come true. She settles herself onto a chair by the counter, sipping her own coffee. "So, stranger - how're you doing? Make it through the crazy animal thing alright? And Reid, too." She hadn't talked to him much one on one, but it'd been enough, plus she knew how happy he made Luke, and that was enough.

[notaretriever]

"We made it through," he says with a nod and a smile. "I had a small pack of wolves who seemed to be very reluctantly trying to follow me places, which was... harrowing, to say the least." They'd never tried to attack him, but from what Luke understands, it could have been a close thing. The animals had wanted to do away with humans and he wasn't quite human, not quite wolf, which seemed to confuse them.

"The cats were fine, thankfully," he adds, then looks around the store for Russell. "Because Reid adopted cats recently. He simply brought them home to me." And there's Russell, sitting near a bookshelf, looking at Caroline curiously, a little bald black cat in a grey sweater.

[brightest_lights]

"Good," she says with a nod, and when he talks about the pack of wolves her brows furrow. "Harrowing," she agrees with a nod, and she's not thinking about being followed by a pack of wolves, but about what happened with Neal.

Where he nearly died, and both of them had been covered in blood like Carrie on prom night.

Shaking off the memory, she looks around when he does, her brows shooting up when she sees the cat. "Oh my god! He's so cute." She smiles at him as she slips off of her chair, crouching by him with her fingers out. "What's his name?" She's determined not to think about all the bad things that've happened over the past week or two - heck, the past month or two - because she doesn't even know how to handle any of it. She keeps thinking about it, though, no matter how hard she tries.

[notaretriever]

"Russell," Luke answers in amusement, still not quite able to believe Reid named one of their cats -- the one that likes him, of course -- after the police officer Luke doesn't particularly care for. He can't really protest, though, not when he's willing to go along with more or less anything his boyfriend comes up with. He'd allowed the cats to stay, after all, even though the other one doesn't seem to particularly like him much.

"He has a brother named Mister Purrkins, although that one hates me and tends to stick close to Spencer," he tells her as Russell arches his back and rubs against Caroline's fingers. "This one seems to think he's a miniature wolf and treats me like I'm his pack leader."

And it's not all bad. Luke has never liked cats because they've never liked him, but this one almost makes up for all that.

[brightest_lights]

She scratches Russell's head. "Well, then, he's got good taste. Don't you, Russell?" She smiles at the cat fondly - she's always sort of wanted a pet. When Luke tells her the other cat's names, Caroline can't help the way she grins.

"Reid has perfect cat-naming skills," she says as she stands back up, and God, honestly she wishes... she kind of wishes that she could have something that seems to work as well as what Luke has with his boyfriend. "How is he? OK?"

She has no idea that Neal's been in contact with Luke - honestly, everything's such a mess with Neal she doesn't even know where to start with that. But she figured she could drink her coffee and give Luke his gift, and just... see a friend, since maybe she needed one right now.

[notaretriever]

"He's alright, yeah," Luke says with a nod. What Reid has told him about his addiction, how he'd felt in the aftermath of their horrible experience, that's all personal. It's not something he's able to share, no matter how close to someone he is, because it isn't his to share. But he isn't lying either. Reid really is doing quite well.

"Well enough that he's able to adopt cats without telling me," he says with a laugh. "And I don't think he named Mister Purrkins, I think that little devil came with that name."

[brightest_lights]

She mostly just knew that while Reid wasn't new here, he hadn't been here for the previous New Years-- and there'd been a lot of terrifying things in a short amount of time. "From the shelter?" She was still scratching Russell's head, and she sighed heavily. "Neal- He's okay now, I think. He almost died, so... you know. That happened." She didn't really expect to be wearing most of Neal's blood on New Year's day. "Great way to kick off 2016."

And it'd just gotten better from there. She hadn't talked to him since the you-stole-the-dress-I-can-control-minds conversation because she honestly didn't know how. He was scared of her, and felt like he needed protection from her - and the worst thing is, she completely understood it.

[notaretriever]

"What?" Luke asks, his brow creasing in concern. Here he is talking about the cats Reid has adopted and Caroline has been sitting on this information, probably waiting for the right moment to say it. He wishes he'd thought to ask earlier, make sure everything was okay, but with everything that had happened in Silent Darrow, he'd somehow thought things couldn't really get any worse. "Caroline, back up, what happened?"

Whatever it is, it sounds rather awful.

He doesn't even know what he would do if Reid were in that much danger and he shakes his head, keeping quiet and giving Caroline a chance to tell him.

[brightest_lights]

She wasn't used to hanging onto bad things that happened longer than a few days after the event. In the beginning, sure; back before she knew that the world was a much darker place than it seemed - but since that'd changed, everything had just kept falling apart. It had happened more than a week ago - since then, she'd ended up screwing up everything, and that is the thing she was the most concerned about and wanted Luke's advice with.

So she looks surprised when he tells her to back up, and she gives Russell one more scratch before she pushes herself to her feet. "We were downtown when everything happened with the mayor, and-" She paused. "He's ok. My blood-" Hesitating, her brows furrow. "It can heal almost anything, and as long as you don't die for 24 hours, it doesn't really have any downsides, so..." Trailing off, she chews on her lip for a second. "I was scared that I didn't get to him in time," she finally said after a long pause. "Or that I wouldn't have been able to, there are things you just don't want to see, but- I mean, he's ok." He'd nearly been gutted; she didn't even know how to process it, and she'd tried to keep herself mostly calm while talking to Neal about it, since he'd been the one it happened too.

[notaretriever]

Neal is okay, Caroline saved him, that's what Luke gathers and he figures those are the most important bits of information anyway. Something attacked him that night and Luke frowns, wishing he could have been there. It had just been such a disaster, everyone screaming and rushing to and fro. A few times he'd very nearly lost Reid in that crowd, the only thing saving him being that scent that's become so easy for him to pick out.

"But you did get to him in time," he says, nodding more to himself than anything. "That's good, Caroline. I'm glad he's going to be okay."

He knows how bad New Year's Eve was. He'd faced down a wolf himself, but it's easier for him than it is for Neal. A hell of a lot easier. Being a werewolf makes him built for things like that.

[brightest_lights]

"I did," Nodding, Caroline swallows hard. "I don't know if he'll remember it, it was... really bad. I mean, I didn't really expect to see my boyfriend's insides, I usually wait for the first month anniversary for that."

Clearing her throat, she moves to grab a sip from her coffee that she'd left on the counter, mostly because she wanted something to do with her hands. "Can I ask you something?" Her brows furrow together like she's wrestling with the idea already - as if she's not even sure if it's the right thing to ask. "Is he scared of you? Reid, I mean." It's a quiet question, and she looks back down at her coffee, taking another sip before she looks up for the answer.

[notaretriever]

"No," Luke answers, his brow furrowing as he watches Caroline. That's one hell of a loaded question, especially coming when it does, following the information that she's had to use her own blood to save Neal. Luke has never asked if Neal knows what she is, he's always assumed it was their business and theirs alone, but he's also never imagined someone might look at Caroline and hear her story and be afraid of her.

Not because she isn't capable of great feats of strength, not because she doesn't have that power, but because he can't see anyone close to her not trusting her.

"He found out I'm a werewolf by accident," he says. "A sound startled me and I jumped in to protect him half changed. I expected him to run, but he didn't. He stayed and let me explain." And since then he's never once gotten the impression that Reid is afraid of him.

[brightest_lights]

The lady browsing left while they were talking about the cats, thankfully - Caroline wasn't even thinking about her as she explains. "Neal knows- He knows. Pretty much everything, and he--" Her brows furrow together as she tries to phrase it the way she's thinking it. "I get why he's scared. You know? I mean, let's be real. I'm a monster who drinks human blood to survive and can compel people into doing whatever I want." Her shoulders slump. "And I've killed people. I get it. I just..."

"I try so hard to be good, you know? I get what I am, but I try, and... it's just not enough."

[notaretriever]

"You're not a monster," Luke says sharply. What had happened to her, what had happened to the both of them hadn't been their faults, and for anyone to suggest they're monsters because of it leaves Luke feeling absolutely appalled. Whether or not it's understandable for someone to be afraid of them has no bearing on the use of the term monster and he truly hopes Neal has never used that word to describe Caroline.

"It is enough," he says. "Learning something like this when you're from a world where none of this is real, that can be hard, so give him a little time. He deserves that. But if he takes that time and still can't deal with it, if your trying, if your being exactly who you are isn't good enough for him, that isn't something you should have in your life anyway."

[brightest_lights]

Looking up in surprise at the sharp words, Caroline frowns. "It's-" She's not sure what to say; she doesn't agree with him, that much is clear from the look on her face. "I think the rest of it weirds him out," finally, she just decides to skip over what he first said, for now. "It's not the blood, or the dead thing-- I mean, the fact that I've killed people isn't exactly sunshine and lollipops, but... It's the compulsion thing. I think?"

Her shoulders slump when he says that Neal's the problem, if he's not ok with it. "No, it's-- I mean, I get that I'm this sort of... neurotic, type-A person, and you add on top of that that I'm a vampire? Like, I get it, I just-- should I just keep it a secret? How could anyone ever actually be okay with that? Like, hey, i could kill you at any time and totally wipe your mind or make you do what I want or..." She shakes her head.

"I wouldn't ever do that, but I guess... I don't know why I thought he wouldn't immediately think I'd do it to him." The last words are quiet, and maybe that's the thing that's the worst for her-- Caroline tries so hard to think the best of people, and she feels like besides Luke, she's never ever given the benefit of the doubt. Not with Bonnie, not with Elena, not with anybody else.

[notaretriever]

Luke doesn't think of himself as being much of a pushover. He has good instincts, he's not easily taken advantage of, but he also knows he's more trusting than not. He expects people to tell him the truth and for the most part, that belief has carried him safely through life. Valentine is an exception, of course, but he's an exception to many things, and Luke doesn't consider him when he looks at his life and at all the people he's trusted. Perhaps trusting Valentine had been a mistake, but he doesn't regret it at the end of the day. He's exactly where he's meant to be and whatever hand Valentine had in that is done.

Trusting people is simply Luke's default state. Assuming the worst of people isn't something he can just do, especially those who've proven to him they're good. Which Caroline has. Over and over again.

"You saved his life," he says, shaking his head. "If you'd wanted to, you could have compelled him long before now. Having these abilities doesn't make you a monster. You've made the decisions to behave a certain way. Any human has just as many abilities to be a monster, it's the act of choosing to behave otherwise that makes them and us good people." And if Neal can't come around to that way of thinking, Luke hopes Caroline understands that isn't her fault.

[brightest_lights]

It's clear from her face that Caroline's definitely listening, even though she honestly looks more and more confused as Luke goes on. "It's not-" Stopping herself for a second, she shakes her head before starting again.

Running her hands up into her hair, she takes a deep breath. "But I'm a vampire," she reasons. "Like-- what I did to that guy, who saw the sword. I get it, it needed to happen, but I literally just took his life away from him, about that. I'm the kind of person who does that for the things I think are the right choices, and I try to do the right thing, but...." Trailing off, she swallows hard. "It's not... the way I wanted it," she finally says quietly. "I just wanted to be a normal person and go to college and get married and have a life, and now it's... yeah, I've sort of killed more than a dozen people and I'm twenty."

Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and she shakes her head more with incredulity than anything else. "I drink people's blood. Human blood. How am I not a monster?"

[notaretriever]

"And I'm a werewolf. Simply saying you're a vampire is no argument for making you a monster."

Luke sighs and then sits down in one of his chairs, resting his hands on his knees. "When I was younger than you are now, I helped Valentine kill people. Innocent people. Warlocks who had done nothing but be born as warlocks. Werewolves who were only trying to raise their families in peace. Seelies whose only mistake had been finding us at the wrong time. And then I made a decision to walk away from him, from the Circle, because I knew what he was doing was wrong. Drinking blood doesn't make you a monster, Caroline. You make the choice every single day not to hurt people in order to live. I know this isn't what you wanted, I know being a normal girl sounds so much easier and it probably is, but you're not a normal girl. You're never going to be a normal girl again and it might not be the future you'd dreamed of, but it's the hand you've been dealt. However, none of that makes you a monster."

He looks up at her again and says, "We've both made horrible mistakes in our pasts. I've found a way to reconcile what I've done, to forgive myself. You need to find a way to do the same. What happened to you was not your fault and I have seen you actively choose the right thing over and over again. I've watched you put yourself at risk in order to keep others safe. You walked away from that church so no one might accidentally be hurt. You did that. No one asked you to leave, no one told you that you needed to go. Yes, you made mistakes, but you've saved people, too. That's not without merit."

[brightest_lights]

She listens to everything that Luke is saying - really, truly listens. There's a point -- right around when he says that she will never be a normal girl again, she starts to cry but it's without sound, holding her breath as she wipes at the tears, nodding. She knows he's right. She knows it, and she's been trying so incredibly hard to just be ok with it when nobody else would acknowledge it that it somehow takes a weight off her shoulders.

"You are the only person-" Her voice is thick and raw when she finally speaks, and she pulls in a deep breath. "The only person-- my best friends, my mom... everybody, and it was just me being this-- this self-centered, obnoxious, high-maintenance horrible... thing that nobody thought about unless I was a problem--" It's obvious from her tone that she's quoting, even without thinking about it.

"You're the only person who actually knows what I did, who knows me, and thinks I'm OK. That's why- I mean, it's good that Neal knows. It is, because he's-- because I care about him, I just am sort of waiting for it to all fall apart, you know? But you just..." And there's a lack of words there, because she doesn't know how to say how much what he said means. It's so important, and she can't quantify it, but she definitely can feel it.

[notaretriever]

This is part of why Luke thinks what Raven is doing with the school is so important. There are people all over this city who probably think this way about themselves, who think they're monsters or that they're bad simply because of something that's happened to them. Maybe it's possible some of them are bad, that they've done awful things, but he knows Caroline isn't one of them and he means every word of what he's said.

"You are okay," he says. "Well, you're more than just okay. Give Neal some time and a little benefit of the doubt, I'm sure he'll see that, too."

He stands and goes to where Caroline is, taking her hands in his. "Don't wait for it to fall apart. Believe in him for a little while longer and see what happens. People surprise you all the time."

[brightest_lights]

Caroline squeezes his hands, and she hopes that he understands how important what he's telling her is. "Thank you." Her words are quiet, and she's incredibly sincere. "Seriously, thank you. I've-- When I became like this, everyone - they just tolerated me, and it means a lot, what you're saying." And he gives her good advice about Neal. Great advice, actually, and she nods.

"That... makes sense. I mean, I want to believe in him, I'm just scared he won't believe in me." Sighing heavily, she nods again, her brows furrowed together. "I am so lucky that you're one of my friends, Luke." It's just about then that Russell sees fit to mrowr, and Caroline looks over at the cat. "Is it dinner time? Because I think he thinks it is."

[notaretriever]

"Where I come from, werewolves and vampires are supposed to dislike each other," Luke says, giving her a grin and her hands another gentle squeeze before he releases them. "I've never particularly bought into that, but I still remember how you reacted my first day here. And look at us now. We've both been told we're supposed to hate each other and we've overcome that without much trouble."

It's been rather easy, actually, to be Caroline's friend. And hopefully Neal will understand and see the good in her, too.

"Oh, I'm sure he always thinks it's dinner," he answers with a laugh, looking over at Russell who's gotten out of his patch of sun and is stretching out his long, thin body.

[brightest_lights]

"It's still weird to me," she confessed. "That there are werewolves that aren't just trying to kill me, you know? But I'm definitely glad that it's not like that." She smiled wider. "I'm glad we're friends, Luke."

She moves to scritch under Russell's chin. "Well, he's not wrong. He's a cat, he's supposed to always be pampered or whatever," she said with a smile down at him, but then she remembered. "Oh! I brought your Christmas gift." She nodded to her bag on the table, and then pushed herself up to stand, then held out the wrapped present, a smile on her face. "Sorry it took me so long to get this to you, it's been a... crazy couple of weeks."

[notaretriever]

"He would like you to believe that, certainly," Luke agrees with a laugh, watching Russell stretch toward Caroline with pleasure as she scratches him. It's strange to have a cat who doesn't hate him after all this time, but he kind of likes it as well.

His expression softens when she holds the gift out toward him and he shakes his head. "Caroline," he says, still smiling. "You didn't have to do that." He still has a stocking for her, one with her name on it that he'd filled with little gifts, candy and chocolates and puzzles and warm socks, because he remembers how much Clary had liked those.

[brightest_lights]

"I know I didn't have to," she said with her brows expectantly high so that he'll take it. "That makes it even better that I did. Go on," she says with a smile, and she hopes he'll like the gifts-- it's hard to know what to get someone who literally owns a bookstore - while she knows he likes to read, it's not like she has any sort of clue what books he'd want, and of course he'd have an easier time getting anything rare than her.

She'd managed to maybe figure it out, though - she got some vintage, acid free bookplates that say his name on them, and just for good measure a small felt wolf that was too adorable to pass up when given the chance.

Caroline loves giving presents, and this Christmas... it's definitely been light for her, so she's got to make it up where she can.

[notaretriever]

Luke takes the gift from her and sets it aside for the moment, then ducks behind the counter where he has the register. He comes out a moment later with the bright red stocking with her name on it and holds it toward her with a small grin. It isn't much, but he'd wanted to get something for everyone, and the stocking is stuffed with little gifts, things that had made Luke think of her.

"For you," he says before he picks up the gift she's given him and begins to unwrap it. The bookplates are beautiful and Luke smiles down at them as he turns them over, studying the details. The wolf makes him laugh and when he looks up at Caroline again, he's smiling widely.

"These are beautiful. Thank you."

[brightest_lights]

"Ah!" She can't stop the exclamation of delight that pops out of her mouth when Luke reappears with a stocking, and she seems as excited as a kid in a candy store. "Thank you! This is so nice of you!" She waits for him to unwrap his-- mostly because she wanted to see his face, and she's rewarded with him laughing and it's pretty much perfect.

"I'm so glad you like them." Caroline's definitely the kind of person who chalks up how well she knows someone to if she can get them a good Christmas gift, and she's more than happy with Luke's response. Now, she finally goes back to the stocking, and it's--

It's the kind of stuff she would have gotten from her mom, and honestly, she loves it. It's clear from her face that it means a lot -- it's all the little things opened with careful fingers, and before she even thanks him she moves to give him a hug. "Thank you so much." It's less bubbly and more genuine, because honestly she misses both her parents even though her father had passed away more than a year ago. "This is just... so incredibly sweet of you."

[notaretriever]

"I wanted to make sure everyone had something," Luke answers with a smile. He'd done similar things for a few other people, made up stockings for Hild and Peter and Alec and Isabelle, but he'd taken care to make each one individual. Caroline's stocking is red, her named stitched on it in purple, and the gifts he'd gotten are things he thinks she would like. There's the usual candy and chocolate, of course, little puzzles and games and socks, but he'd also gone out of his way to find things just for her.

He smiles when she hugs him and wraps his arms around her in return, squeezing her tight.

"You're welcome," he says and he's glad to have made her smile even if only for a moment. He hopes, too, she's not worried about Neal, not right now, and that everything works out.